There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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