She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
