I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
