I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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