Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
