i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
