my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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