He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
