I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
