girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize