i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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