i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Rumble strips road head = magical
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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