She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
