i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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