y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
