evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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