how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Randomize
