Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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