You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
