I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i think i have two assholes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize