She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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