He uses pillows to masturbate.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
