I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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