when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
COCAINE IS GR8
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
