can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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