The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
