Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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