your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
