my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
