Umm I'm too high to move.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
