my phone needs a breathalizer
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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