I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
