Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so let's talk penis.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
