apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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