How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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