I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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