I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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