I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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