Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
