I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
