whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
