operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
