If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Damn victory sex feels great
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize