she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
