Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
