Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
