Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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