singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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