You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
