Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize