I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
