Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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