Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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