guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
