hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
