Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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