so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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