He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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