The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
