My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there was a trapeze. enough said
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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