Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
