I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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