Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
