He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pants are for mortals
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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