where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
