from now on my penis is your penis
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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