Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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