Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
