1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
