I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
