we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
