Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
