Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He better not be in your backpack
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
