I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
