Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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