i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
