is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
