dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
