I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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