I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
