Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
