so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize