honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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