he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
