Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
