Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize