Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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