It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
