She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
