If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize