so explain again why im purple
no
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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