K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize