Define "chronic" masturbator.
This girl is more easily done than said...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
