Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
