That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
