You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
