It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
