I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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