Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
