why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
