just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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