She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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