I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
