I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
