why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You ate ashes out of my bong
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
